Tips for Holiday Happiness

 1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately.  Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls.










2. Drink as much eggnog as you can and quickly.  You can’t find it any other time of the year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories. It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an eggnogaholic or something.  It’s a treat, enjoy it. Have one for me, in fact have two! 










3. If something comes with gravy, use it! That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand-alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. While on the subject of mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim pass, why bother? That would be like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission. 


5.  Hot Chocolate and candy canes are non-caloric through December 25^th.

                                                                                                                                                                                                   6. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people’s food for free and lots of it. 

7.  Under no circumstance should you exercise between now and New Year’s.  You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.  This the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.














8.  On the subject of desserts, normal stipulations to how many you can have are null and void this time of the year.  Feel free to have one of each, if there is one you don’t like (mincemeat for example) this allows you to then have two of another item. Cookies are considered one item for the total, not each.  Fruitcake is not a normal dessert, make your own decision.






9.  One final tip, if you are able to leave the party or get up from the table with out loosening your pants you have insulted you host and the Spirits of Christmas Past, Present, and Future. Reread this list and get back to eating!